september 22, 2004
well there are somethings i would like to get off my chest. For instance i don't know what i'm doing right now i'm just typing random thoughts and ideas down. Well were am i giong what am i doing i don't know anymore. At one point in time i thought everything was laid out for you i could see my future in the distance, but now i walk this long and winding road i have found my self in a metaphoric forest. The branches hang too low, the trees are too big. In other words i can't see a fucking thing. theres no future in my sight i don't know what is giong on where i'm going i've take the wrong path at many forks in the road. but it's too late to go back now and try and find my way to the start of this maze. I only wish i had some sort of map maybe some sort of light to help me find my way. But as anyone who knows me already knows thats not likly i have do to things the hard way have to some how make everything harder than it already is. Life is already hard enough with out you making harder on yourself and others for that matter but i always seem to make it happen. I don't know why i set this page up. Maybe to rant, maybe just to pass time as i sit in this basement woundering why i have chosen to stay here. but well may be this typing thing will help. or not but only time will tell. I may seem to kind of "what ever happens happens" but i have made to many bad decisions that i don't care how much i hurt myself anymore. Plus i never learn, i'm the retarded kid in the helmet who keeps putting his hand on the red element on the stove not ever learning it is hot. Man am i ever bored it's not even 7:30 yet and i'm bored what am i going to do till 4:00pm tomarrow. I can't go home i've made a decion and if i go back on it i will seem weak and calous. I already get walked on enough as it is, so i can't reveal that i was born without that spine that so many have. i need to do something i can't go home i wish i had a t.v. it always passes the time but this is just as good i guess. this is getting perty long and i have said enough so this is it for now i will write again a little later
